Saturday, January 8, 2011

Everyone is Somewhere Someone's Important Person みんなどこかの誰かの大切な人

A view from the bus which was heading to Kansai Intl. Airport from Takamatsu

When I leave Japan, I always try not to cry in front of my parents.
Today, for the first time, I tried to think why that is.
Here are my guesses:
1) I think it is because I don't want my parents to cry by seeing me crying. If I see my parents cry, it will be harder for me to leave Japan, and I feel bad for going so far away from them.
2) I think it is because I want my parents to know that I am happy and strong. I don't want them to worry about me.
I think both are correct.

So, about a week ago, as I wrote in the previous blog entry, my dad drove me to Takamatsu from Matsuyama. I was happy that my mom accompanied us, too. When we got to Takamatsu, we had Kagawa's famous Sanuki Udon as our lunch, and then we headed to the Takamatsu bus stop. I was already missing my parents, and I could feel a bit striking sensation deep in my nose which is a sign of tears welling up inside. I tried to keep them down from being visible on my eyes. I did a "good job" carrying out up-tempo conversations with them. I kept smiling and saying even some jokes. Then, the bus came, and I had to get on the bus. I hugged both of my parents which is not so common in Japan, but I wanted to do so, and I said, "Thank you for everything. Take care. I'll call you when I get on Maui." My parents were smiling back at me, and I sat down on my designated seat which happened to be a window seat. I could see them from my seat, and I saw my dad jokingly making a sad face, so I laughed, but I wanted to cry inside of my heart. I saw my mom's lips moving to say, "I love you" in English. I said back to her, "I love you, too." Then the bus started to move. They waved at me until I could not see them. I took one deep breath and sat deeply in my seat. The bus turned around the next corner, and I saw them standing there (they guessed where the bus was heading, and they took a short-cut and ran there to give me the final wave).  I waved at them, too. When I was younger, I used to feel embarrassed about my parents' openness, but I naturally stopped feeling that way after I turned 20. I don't care what other people think about us. What more important is that I honestly show my love to people I love no matter where we are as long as we are not in people's way. When I could not see them anymore, and I knew that it was not a distance that they could run, I let myself drop one tear (maybe two) on to my cheeks. I love them so much, and they love me so much. The tears were not only due to missing them, but due to their love filling me up and overflowing as tears out of my eyes. I have truly wonderful parents.

At the next bus stop, more people got on the bus. There were many people who were sending off their loved ones. The bus slowly and quietly started to move carrying someone's loved ones. Maybe those people were not showing their care for one another in obvious ways (like hugging or kissing), but I can easily imagine and could see from their small gestures how much they care about each other. A young boy (maybe about my younger brother's age) sat a couple of seats down from me and started to listen to music with his headphones. He seemed to have a mother who was waving at him at the bus stop. There was a young lady who was maybe dropped off by her sister or close friend. Everyone was sent off by someone who really care about them.

Every single person is somewhere someone's important person.

This thought struck me hard and filled me up with warmth. Right now, somewhere in this world, someone is caring about a person who is sitting next to me. If so, everyone is someone's precious treasure and then I naturally want to take a good care of them. I want to be a "big sister" to the boy and look after him for his mother. And I want to be a friend to the young lady for her friend who cannot come with her. I want to love every person I meet in my life because there is someone who is caring about this person right now somewhere in this world - because the person in front me is someone's treasure.

------------------------ Japanese -------------------------

A view from the bus which was heading to Kansai Intl. Airport from Takamatsu

1) 私が泣いているのを見て、両親に泣かれたくない。彼らが泣くところを見ると、どうしても日本を発つ心が揺らぐし、遠くへ行くことを申し訳なく思うから(いや、泣かれなくてももう既に申し訳なく思ってるんだけど。)
2) 私はハッピーでしっかりやれるというところを見せたい。泣くことで変な心配をさせたくない。

前のブログでも書きましたように、丁度一週間ほど前、日本を発つにあたり、関空行きの高速バスに乗るため、父に松山から高松まで車で連れていってもらいました。嬉しいことに母も一緒に来てくれました。高松に着いてから、有名な讃岐うどんをお昼ご飯とし、バス停のある高松駅に向いました。駐車場に車をとめ、バス停へ荷物を運んでいるときには、両親と別れることをさみしく思う気持ちが強く出てきていました。鼻の奥がツーンと痛くもなっていました。これは涙が溢れてくるときの前ぶれです。目がうるうるしないようにがんばりました。何とかアップテンポに会話を進め、冗談も時折り混ぜながら、バスが来るまで笑顔で過ごすことができました。そしていよいよバスが来ました。両親をそれぞれにぎゅーし、「色々とお世話になりました。体には気をつけてね。マウイに着いたら電話するから。」と言ってバスに乗り込みました。指定された席は丁度窓際でした。見送ってくれている両親が見えました。父は冗談で泣くふりをしました。私は笑いましたが、心の中では泣きたい気持ちでいっぱいでした。母は「アイ ラブ ユー」と英語で言っているのが、唇の動きから読み取れました。私も「アイ ラブ ユー」と返しました。そしてバスが動きだしました。両親はいつもするように、バスが見えなくなるまで手を振ってくれていました。もう見えなくなってから、深呼吸をして、席に深く座りました。バスは次の角を曲がりました。すると、そこに立っているのは両親でした。(バスの動きを読んで、バス停からそこの角まで早道をして走ってきたみたいでした。)手を振ってくれている両親に、手を振り返しました。もっと若い頃は、こんなオープンな両親を恥ずかしく思うこともありました。でも20歳を過ぎてからは、自然と気にならなくなりました。アメリカ文化の影響もあるかと思いますが、もう人がどう思うかは気にならなくなったのです。それよりも大切なのは、愛している人たちにちゃんと愛しているということを伝えられることだと思ったからです。両親がついに見えなくなり、しばらくバスが進んでから、「ここまでは走って来られまい」と思い、そこで初めて一滴(二滴だったかな)の涙を頬に落とすことを、自分に許したのでした。私は両親を心から愛しています。両親は私のことを心から愛しています。涙の理由は、単純に両親が恋しいことだけではなく、私が生まれたときから注がれてきた彼らからの愛が、私の中に収まりきれずに涙として溢れてきたのだと思います。このような素晴らしい両親を心から有難く思います。




No comments: